


The Two Doctors

by Mila_hatesyou



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminal Minds Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Co-workers, Crime Fighting, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Love, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious, Oblivious Reader, Oblivious Spencer Reid, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Play Fighting, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Requited Love, Season/Series 01, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unrequited Hate, Unrequited Love, angsty, matthew gray gubler - Freeform, matthew gubler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mila_hatesyou/pseuds/Mila_hatesyou
Summary: Spencer Reid and Reader have been at each others throats since Reader was recruited to the BAU by Jason Gideon. Is their hatred for one another really masking something more?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 38
Kudos: 177





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> See the end for more notes!

I hate Spencer Reid. Since the day Jason Gideon decided to recruit me to the behavioural analysis unit at the ripe age of 22, The comparisons made between Reid & I were inescapable. We were both child prodigies. We both hold an unbelievable number of degrees. We are both the babies of the BAU. Reid noticed this as well, and quickly made me an enemy in his mind. I did not object to this, finding him intolerable as well. We play a constant game of cat and mouse, to the chagrin of our fellow agents.

“Y/N, what the hell are you doing?” Morgan says, catching me digging through Reid’s desk, hunting for where he hides his coffee cup. Reid was not taking any more chances, after somebody sawed halfway through his last cups handle, making it conveniently break off, spilling his coffee everywhere.

“Uhh… nothing?” I meekly reply, blushing terribly. I hear Elle giggling from her desk. 

Morgan laughs. “You are lucky I am the one who caught you, young lady, I doubt Hotch would be thrilled catching you in the middle of this childish feud with pretty boy. Come on, we are going to be called into the briefing room any second now.” 

As if they were waiting for a cue, JJ and Hotch exit the Unit Chief's office, signalling to us that there is another case. I cross the bullpen to the briefing room, where Reid has already planted himself in my regular seat.

“Hey brainiac, did you forget where your seat is?” I exclaim, walking right up to him.

“That is preposterous Y/N, you know I have an eidetic memory.” He looks up at me, an innocent look plastered on his face.  
In response I Jam my foot under the chair and place my free arm on the chair’s back, lifting it up, dropping Reid onto the ground with a thud. One thing I have over the twig is my physical strength.

“Sheesh, okay you Amazon” he cries out from the ground as I sit back in my rightful seat.

“Did you know that the greek mythological Amazons are not actually from what we now consider to be the Amazon? They are more likely from what is today Turkey, as the Greeks had no idea that the americas existed. Besides, how is being compared to an Amazon an insult, need I remind you what an insult is do-” I retort.

“That is more than enough doctors” Hotch walks into the room, already annoyed at our antics.  
“Let’s get started.”


	2. LDSK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The BAU is called on a case, and more antics ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the next few ones that will follow are based on 1x6, L.D.S.K.

“Des Plaines, Illinois” JJ starts. “Yesterday in Franklin park, 3 victims shot at distance. This marks the third shooting like this in two weeks.”

“Sniper?” Elle asks.

“It would actually be considered a LDSK, long di-” Spencer starts, before I cut him off,

“Long distance serial killer. Snipers are highly trained, professional marksman, statistically that wouldn't be our unsub.” I add, and get kicked in the shin under the table, courtesy of the other young doctor.

“How many of these have we caught?” Morgan ignores Reid and I.

“None.” Gideon chimes in.

“2 weeks, 3 shooting incidents, 6 victims, all shot in the abdomen. First and only fatality, Henry Sachs, married, father of 3, was shot in a shopping center parking lot. 9 days later, Doug Miller and Kevin Parks were playing basketball at a community center. Franklin park, 4 days later, Jerry Middleton, Kate Murray, and Tim Reilly” Hotch says.

“Ballistics?” Asks Morgan.

“He's using frangible rounds, which fragment on impact, making ballistics comparisons impossible.” Reid starts

“It looks like one of the victims had an intact bullet lodged in his spine, but surgeons aren’t sure if it can be removed without paralysing him” I read. “No one saw anything, meaning we have to rely on the profile alone.”

“But we don't know enough about L.D.S.K.’s to build a standard profile. Also, uh, Hotch, what about my certification?” Reid asks

“You don’t need a gun to kill someone. Wheels up in 20.” Hotch finishes.

I glance over at Morgan, looking for clarification on what occurred with Reid’s certification. He mouthed ‘He failed his firearm test’. I begin laughing immediately.

“Oh no Reid! Without a gun your puny self will have no way to protect yourself, or anyone in that matter” Reid ignores me, instead collecting the files that are scattered on the round table  
Morgan jumps in, “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, take this and if you are ever in danger me or the pretty girl will come and save you.” He places a whistle around Reid’s neck, and joins me in my laughing.

“You are the absolute worst Y/N.” I hear behind me, but I was too far away to respond.

* * *

I sit down next to Morgan on the jet.

“Why does he hate me?” I ask in a hushed voice.

Morgan sighs and puts down the papers he was reading.

“I’m going to assume you are asking about Reid. I don't know for sure, kid. Imagine being in his shoes. You are the genius of the unit, 3 PhD’s, god knows how many B.A’s, IQ of 187, 20,000 WPM reading speed. Then some chick shows up, pretty as all hell, same age as him, loads of degrees, help me out here-”

“Graduated high school at 12, went to UPenn, got my PhDs in criminology and linguistics, and a BA in dance at 17, then went to Columbia and got BA’s in sociology, biology, forensics and psychology, Gideon then practically plucked me for the FBI at 21, and now I am here.” I recite, same way I have my entire life.

“Dance?” Morgan asks.

“That is seriously what you got out of all of that?” I throw my pencil at him.

“Why dance though?” Morgan keeps pressing me.

“I was bored, and one of the dance teachers was like super hot, sue me.” I flush and look away from the now amused Morgan. “Shut up Morgan! I was fucking 15 and god knows socially I was lacking due to me being a freak and not to mention a late bloomer!”

This got Elle’s attention. “What did Y/N do this time?” She asks, coming over to where the commotion was.

“The girl genius got a degree in dance because she had the hots for one of the teachers. Hold on, I have to call Garcia about this” Morgan says loud enough to get the whole planes attention.

I jump out of my seat, hitting my knee against the table on the way up. Nevertheless I stormed off to the bathroom. “YOU ARE ALL THE WORST” I call out before slamming the door behind me.

* * *

After taking a moment to pull myself together, I exit the bathroom and take a seat in the only unoccupied section of the jet. Based on how long we had been flying, I knew we were about to land. Unfortunately before that could happen, Reid took a seat across from me.

“Oh go away.” I put my head in my hands.

“Can’t do that now, we are landing. Did you know the 10 minutes after departure and before arrival are statistically the most likely times for a plane to crash? I learned that when I was getting my engineering doctorate, which in the long term was far more helpful to me than you chasing after some grown ass man when you were a teenager.”

I glare at Reid, who has a smug look on his face.

Glumly I respond, “If only it was easier now.” Before he could respond, I add “But I sure you know all about how difficult it is to get laid. Only difference is that I broke out of that pattern, and you haven't.”

“Touché.” He mutters, and turns away from me.

God, he is such an ass.


	3. Chapter 3

We land in Chicago, and are hustled out of the jet into the standard, black FBI vehicles I was so used to at this point. It is not too far to Des Plaines.

“3.94 Miles” the doctor informs us without prompting.

The cars pull up to the Des Plaines police station, where one very concerned Detective Calvin is there to greet us.

“Agent Hotchner.” The man greets, shaking Hotches hand.

“Detective, these are Agents Morgan, Gideon, Greenaway and Doctors Reid and Y/L/N.

“Thanks for comin'. Follow me.” He motions towards the lot of us.

“Okay, Y/N and Reid should go to the hospital to meet with the victims and the staff, Elle, Morgan and I will go to the latest scene and Aaron, do you want to stay here with JJ?” murmurs Gideon. Hotch nods his approval, ignoring my sulking face.

“Seriously? I have to work with poindexter?” I groan.

“I seriously have to work with the banshee?” Reid retorts.

“Yes, you seriously have to work with one another. Consider it conflict-resolution.” Hotch says while shooing Reid and I away.

“Actually, take JJ with you, I suppose a babysitter will be necessary with you two.”

* * *

“Wow, that surgeon was a bigger ass than Reid, I didn’t think that was possible.” I start.

“His egotistical mannerisms reminded me more of you, Y/N” Reid jabs back.

JJ quickly blocks our path. “Y/N, Spence. We literally just left the hospital. For the love of god please don't make me ground you both. Now kiss and make up so that I can go home without killing either of you.”

It was silent after that. My face burned red, and I was too ashamed to even look at Reid, though him not pointing my flushness out told me he may be feeling just as embarrassed as me.

The silence is broken by the chiming of all of our flip phones.

“We are ready to deliver the profile.”

* * *

“This initial profile is not ready to be given to the media. Releasing this profile prematurely can get people killed.” JJ begins.

“We're looking for a 30 to 40-year-old male veteran, driving a car large enough to shoot from, but not so large it was noticed.”

“Like the beltway shooter, it's probably a sedan, customized to conceal the shooter, his weapon, and the sound of his shot.”

“The unsub suffers from both narcissistic and paranoid personality disorders. He works out obsessively and is never without a weapon. He's completely self-centered and cannot empathize with others. Incapable of admitting fault, he blames his shortcomings on those around him.”

“He has no friends, and his career history has been marked by frequent job changes. He's drawn to high-stakes jobs by a need to prove his superiority to a world he perceives has undervalued him, and these shootings are the ultimate expression of that need.”

“We believe he changes jurisdictions intentionally and strikes during the first/second shift change, indicating and intimate knowledge of law enforcement.”

“You're saying he's one of us” an officer asks.

“We're saying he once was or is now a police officer.” JJ answers.

“Is he driving a white van, too?” says another cop.

Hotch shut down the briefing. “ Enough. That'll be all for now.”

It was unsettling to go through a briefing without any bickering between Reid and I. Normally we would see who can deliver the most important information first, to the dismay of everyone else involved. They all held their breaths when the mention of the Unsubs lack of friends was spoken, and they seemed let down at the non-reaction from myself and Reid.

* * *

Everything happened so fast I barely registered that Phillip Dowd, the now named unsub, revealed his weapon, using it to push Reid a handful of other hostages and I out of the main ER ward and into a smaller room just off of it. One second you, Hotch and Reid were in the emergency room looking for any leads, the next you had been taken captive by a deranged lunatic.

“Drop your weapon” The man growled, motioning me to drop the gun I do not remember discharging. It hits the linoleum floor with a crack, and I quickly kick it away from me in a show of compliance.

“You too, you dork” He pointed the gun at Reid now, who had taken a seat on the ground.

“He isn’t carrying.” I reply. Dowd must have picked up on some misdirected coldness and looked back at me, an understanding look upon his face.

“What kind of an FBI agent doesn’t carry a weapon?” He asks me, though not wavering the gun still pointed towards Reid.

I sensed an opportunity. “A profiler. I am so done with these fucking feds!” I ranted, “They knew you were in here, they knew you are armed and dangerous, and they knew that you are gonna fight till the last round, as you should, and they sent still me in here with an unarmed kid who can't shoot his way out of a wet paper bag.”

He laughs. “They set you up, and now you want to help me.” A weight lifts off my shoulders. He is falling right into my trap.

“I guess that is true. I wouldn't say I want to help you, but when they come in here to get revenge for the cop you killed, you're gonna go down fighting, and in the crossfire, a lot of us are gonna die. I Might as well do what I can to make it home tonight, and if that means I get out and he doesn't,” I nudge Reid with my foot, “I can live with that.”

Reid looks up at me, searching for answers for my incredibly out of character behaviour. In response I glance down to my pant leg, where my second gun was hidden by the fabric.  
Nothing else needed to be said. Yet for some reason it pained me to kick him. It is as if it hurt more to cause him pain than to be in pain myself. Even though I didn’t kick hard, every flinch, every moan felt like a glass shard piercing my skin.

* * *

As quick as the ordeal began, the situation was over. Dowd was dead, shot through the skull by a now armed and recertified Reid, who had successfully retrieved my revolver from its hiding place during our scuffle.

“Doctor? Is everything alright?” I hear Hotch ask behind me, snapping me out of my train of thought, allowing me to break my stare at Reid, who was being examined by a paramedic outside of the now safe hospital.

“Ye- Yeah. Just a little shaken I guess.” I respond, not looking towards the always stoic boss.

“Let me know if there is anything I can do.” Hotch calls after me as a make my way towards the ambulance where Reid is situated.

“Mind if I sit here?” I ask, sliding next to Reid, not bothering to wait for a response.  
“I’ll leave you alone, I just wanted to say sorry about earlier.. The kicking you stuff.”

““Y/N, I was a 12-year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a 9- year-old girl.” He replied with a smirk on his face. “Still, wow Y/N. In the whole time i’ve known you i don't think you have ever apologised to me. You should hit me more often then.”

“Don’t get used to it, Doctor” I stand up to leave.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” He pulls my revolver out of his messenger bag and holds it out to me.”

“Keep it. You need a firearm anyway, and that tiny thing is perfect for you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to back chapters, bc I feel bad for not updating really quick.

The engines on the Jet roar, but it doesn't seem to bother Morgan, Elle, JJ or Reid who are all sleeping soundly in their respective seats. Hotch has busied himself with the never ending paperwork in one corner, leaving Gideon and l sitting adjacently.

'Gideon?" He looks up at me in acknowledgement.

“Can I ask you something?”

“what’s going on Y/N?”

“Why did you recruit me to the BAU? Everyone sees me as the female Reid, and he sees me as a replacement for him. And he hates me, which I guess I understan-”

Gideon stops me there. “I took you up because I saw the potential that you possess, and the good you can do. I understand if that makes you comparable to Spencer, but you really are more alike than you want to admit.”

I open my mouth in protest, but am again cut off by Gideon;  
“I don't mean it like that, you just- you should give him a chance. Just try. Once you get past his stubbornness you might find a friend”

Scoffing, I slouch down in my seat and pull out my battered, old copy of The Divine Comedy, escaping the conversation.

“Consider your origins: you were not made to live as brutes, but to follow virtue and knowledge.” Gideon mutters, glancing at my book.

My breath hitches when I realise what he is implying. “Yeah.” I look up at Gideon, who gives me a knowing look.

Maybe he is right, after all.

* * *

“Y/N, we are going out for drinks, want to come?” Morgan asks.

“Well judging by the fact we just got back from a case, and I am exhausted, I may have to pass.” I reply, deciding to leave the paperwork for tomorrow.

“Come on honey,” Garcia grabs onto my arm playfully “Even the Boy genius is coming with!”

“Why would that matter to me? If anything it makes me less interested” I retort.

Morgan scolds Penelope, who turns back towards me with a sightly panicked look on her face, like she was caught doing something she shouldn't.

“Uh - i just mean you owe him a drink, for like saving your life.”

“Okay whatever. I’ll meet you guys there, text me the address Pen.” I say, hustling towards the elevators, desperate to leave the seemingly awkward situation.

What the hell was that? I thought, regaining my composure as the doors close. Maybe they have a point, but what are they implying?

* * *

The address Penelope sent was less of a club, like I was expecting, and more of a lounge, with a quieter atmosphere, and more dignified aura. JJ waved me over to where the rest of the team, sans Gideon and Hotch was seated. It was a large, wrap-around couch with a circular table in the center, where I can see drinks that have already been served.

“Y/N! My little ladybug, you look so beautiful!” Garcia calls out to me. “Reid, doesn’t Y/N look beautiful?”

Reid glances at my outfit, a snug jumpsuit with a short, faux fur jacket on top. Looking back down at the pack of playing cards he is fiddling with, he grunts some kind of answer. I catch Morgan glaring at Garcia in disapproval yet again.

“So Y/N, this is your first night out with us! You have been here for what, 7 months? What took you so long?” JJ asks, simultaneously flagging down a member of the wait staff.

“Uh, I am not that big on going out, I guess. I got enough of that in college.” I joke. The only reaction I get is from Reid, who snickers.

“Maybe it is just because I am not that much fun, or I am just awkward” I try to save the situation, but at this point the waitress had arrived to save me from the hole I had dug myself.

Okay, alcohol will be helpful in this situation. “I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks, please,” I order.

“Wow, you are not playing around tonight Y/N.” Elle chirps.

“I guess there are things I need to forget.” I look over at reid and his pack of cards. “Poker anyone?”

A few hours (and drinks later) and the awkwardness of earlier had faded completely, as everyone, except for Reid had become highly invested in the game. He busied himself with his third book of the night.

“Straight flush” I say, revealing my cards, receiving a myriad of groans all around.

“How the hell did you get so good at Poker?” Elle asks, watching me pull the chips to my ever growing pile.

I grew up in Atlantic city, so I’ve always been around gambling. My parents actually owned a casino, so every day when I was a kid I’d walk from the high school to the casino and play against grown adults. Besides, it is the only spot I could play legally.”

“Oh shit, she is becoming more and more like pretty boy by the second” Morgan comments, gaining the doctors attention.

“I’m from Las Vegas” Reid explains with a venomous tone.

For some reason, this is the tipping point, and I feel my blood begin to boil.

“Well, isnt that just fan-fucking-tastic. Yet another similarity, or should I say yet another reason for you to detest me. I’m trying to be nice to you Reid, after the whole ‘saving my ass’ thing but you won’t stop being an asshole and I am fed up with it! If you are still upset about the stuff I said to the unsub, yeah I get it but it wasn’t like there was a fucking gun to my head or anything! What did I do to so deeply offend you Reid? Let me know when you figure it out.”

I storm off to hail a cab. Before I can get one, Reid comes dashing after me.

“Y/N-”

“I’m going to stop you right there Reid. I do not want to hear your lame excuse for why I shouldn't be annoyed, or why I am being irrational. You know, before I met you, when Garcia told me a little bit about you, I thought we could be really great together, but I guess I was wrong about that.”

“Really great together?” Reid asks me, a confused look crossing his face.

“You know what I mean. Just leave me alone from now on.” I reply, getting into the waiting cab.


	5. Chapter 5

It was quiet after that night. Gone were the countless moments of teasing, the playfighting. I don’t worry about sitting in something, or having my things broken into. The tempest had passed, leaving nothing but rubble in its wake. 

We had fallen into a rhythm, following rules that had no reason to be spoken. 

Do not enter any casual conversations the other is already involved in.

Do not go to any out of work events the other is already attending.

Do not ask the other questions, wait for someone else to ask instead, and deal with the fact you arent going to get an answer if someone else does not ask.

We kept our distance. Unfortunately, the sudden 180 our behaviour towards each other did not go unnoticed, as you do not need to be a profiler to sense the tension that now exists between Reid and I. Luckily, the rest of the team were gracious enough to not bring it up.

_“It makes sense they would leave it be, after the fiasco that was poker night after the LDSK case_ ” I think, rolling over in bed to glance at the blinking clock. I have been plagued with insomnia, as I keep getting stuck in thought spirals, all seemingly centering around Reid.

2:45 AM, the clock flashed. I groan into my pillow, before getting up and out of bed to pace around my shoebox apartment. I do not see a reason to have a large place, it isn't like I am ever here to enjoy the property. 

_“This keeps fucking happening. I can’t sleep anymore, I can’t even try to read myself to sleep, because I can not focus on the book for the life of me. I might as well get an appointment with my doctor to see if I can get sedatives or something.”_ I mutter.

Little did I know that the cause of all my uncertainty, all of the confusion, would be answered so soon.

* * *

It is midday when we receive the phone call. An armed man on a train in Texas, with hostages.

Including Elle.

Not two hours later, we are all in the middle of nowhere, Texas.

“What do we know?” Gideon asks the head of authorities already at the scene.

“It took two hours to convince ‘em to get a phone in there. Got a confirmed GSW. No mention of religion, though he is demandin’ to speak to a higher authority. I think it is just your run of the mill crazy person.” The deputy responds in a thick southern drawl.

“Um-” Reid and I both cut in, but stop when we hear the other. I hold my tongue.

“Uh, it is more likely that the Unsub is having a psychotic episode. Do we have any cameras inside?” He asks. 

“Not at the moment.” The detective replies.

“I will get on that” Morgan says, to no one in particular, and picks up his phone. “Hey babygirl, I need you to work some magic on these videofeeds.” “Focus baby, no playin. We're gonna be feeding you with some security camera video from a hostage situation over a security line. Can you work a face recognition software over it and tell me who's who?” 

Morgan hangs up the phone. “She will get us the names.”

“Look at his face. He has tardive dyskinesia. That occurs because of long term antipsychotic use.” Reid inspects the security feed.

I lean into next to Reid, breaking our distance rule.

 _“There goes my three month streak._ ” I think, feeling the heat radiating from his nearby body, smelling his cologne. The same as always. For a split second, it is like that night hadn’t happened. 

Then Reid woke up, jumping away from me, like I am contagious.

“I’m not sure this is just a psychotic break” 

“What do you mean Y/L/N?” Hotch asks.

“Look at the other woman taken hostage. It seems like she is attempting to calm him down. Everyone else is silent. I think she may be his psychiatrist. He is definitely having both visual and auditory hallucinations, along with paranoid delusions. Reid is right,” I add with strain in my voice. “Something probably triggered this, either him stopping med use, or something that is still on the train.”

“Well.” Hotch breaks the silence. “Let’s find out what it is.”

* * *

“Get it out of me!” The Unsub, who Garcia identified as Ted Bryar cries into the phone. “You have one hour to send in a technician to remove it.” 

The line goes dead. 

“He is too unstable to send someone in, when we don’t even know what ‘it’ is.”

“But if we don’t play into the delusion, everyone on that train might die!” Morgan and Gideon argue.

Reid steps in the middle of them.

“Stop. I’m going in. He thinks that the government has implanted a microchip in him. He probably thinks it is in his neck or arm. If we make him think that I’ve removed it, he may calm down enough to rescue all the hostages.”

Hotch cuts in, “How are you going to do that reid?”

“We trick him.”

I can’t help but speak. 

“With what? A magic trick?” The moment the words pass my lips I clench my jaw shut to prevent any further actions from me, and avert my glance. To my surprise, Reid nods.

“Spence, that is ridiculous. We aren’t about to let you get on that train with an armed psychotic.” JJ argues.

“We have thirty minutes and no other choice.”

“He is right. Go, Reid.” Hotch overrules any objections, sending the young doctor off to get suited. 

My chest tightens. 

No. 

No no no.

This can’t be happening.

I manage to run into the nearby brush before I vomit, expelling the little food and drink I have consumed that day.

“Fuck motherfucker goddamn shit timing” I curse to myself

“You okay there, beautiful?” I hear Morgan walking up behind me.

That is all it takes to release the tears that had been threatening to flow. I collapse onto the rocky ground, and Morgan comes down with me.

“I don’t know what is happening to me.” I sob. “I can’t sleep, I can’t focus. This has never happened before”.

Morgan comfortingly rubs my back. “When did this start, love?” 

“Like three months ago. I don’t know, nothing has changed in that time.”

“Well, something did change.” 

“What are you implying Morgan?”

Morgan looks at me stunned. 

“Do you seriously not realise Y/N? You two are totally in love with each other.”

I scoff. “If you are trying to make me feel better you aren’t helping, Derek.”

“I'm serious doll. If I am perfectly honest, that night at the lounge? We all assumed you two broke up or something. You have been walking on eggshells around one another since then.”

I stand up to leave, now laughing at how ridiculous the allegations are. “You can’t be serious Morgan. I don't know if I really hate him, but he hates me. I would never..” I grimace. “I’m going. Tell Hotch i’m sick or something. He will understand.” 

Not waiting for a response, I storm away from a shocked Morgan, petrified in place. It wasn’t until I make it to the main road that I notice I am still crying.


	6. Chapter 6

_“There is no way._

_That is ridiculous._

_Morgan has no idea what he is talking about.”_

I repeat this in a loop in my head. I do not know how long I have been walking for. The ground is less rugged now, as I get closer and closer to actual pavement, in comparison to the service road I am currently on. Then, with the blink of an eye, the lights of a Waffle House catch my eye.

_“If this is a mirage I am going to be so pissed.”_ I think, and pick up the pace. How idiotic must I look? A twenty something year old, in full business attire running out of a backroad covered in sweat and tears! The same tears threaten to return when I enter the restaurant and more importantly the sweet air conditioning that comes with it.

“What can I get you, darlin’?” I look up from the seat I’ve collapsed in, and come eye to eye with a waitress. She couldn’t be much older than my mother, with rosy cheeks and a welcoming smile.

“Besides the solution to my problems? Hashbrowns and Waffles.” I respond. “And OJ please.”

“I'll get that going for ya.” She says, taking my credit card with her.

The Waffle House is as sleepy as the town it belongs to. It being not much more than a truck stop, the only other patrons are drowsy haulers, who transport their goods with the sun. The waitress sets down the glass of orange juice in front of me. 

"What's he gotten himself into?” She asks out of the blue. I look up at her, wide eyed and shocked.

“How- Why would you think that?” I stutter.

She sighs and rests her elbows on the counter. “Look at yourself sweetheart. You stick out like a sore thumb with your attire. You are young, and beautiful, but dedicated to your job. And you have the most heartbroken eyes I’ve seen in a while. He’s got to work with you, and if what I hear is correct, there's somethin’ going on not too far from here. How’d I do?”

I giggle, and flash my first smile of the day. “Color me impressed. Yeah, I'm here for work, the hostage situation on the train. My- A coworker of mine just went into the train car. We hate each other. I guess I am just so mad with how stupid he is that it comes off a different way. It’s funny, another colleague of mine said something similar to that actually. After that I ran off and here I am.”

Instead of the judgement I felt from Morgan, the waitress exuded understanding, setting my plate of steaming hot food, along with my card in front of me.

“Well, it seems to me that you are afraid of what may happen if you become vulnerable with this guy. I don’t have a fancy degree or job like you, but I do know how to read people. Now eat up sweet pea.”

“Thank you.”

I finish the meal in silence. My tears have dried, and my breathing has evened. After remembering I have no mode of transportation at my disposal, I called Elle to let her know where I am and to ask for a ride when they are done with the case. The stillness in the air outside mirrors the stillness in the building. I was reading the local paper when the sound of the door’s chime rang.

“Y/N. Come on, the jet’s leaving in 30.”

I stiffen instantly. I didn’t even need to turn around to know that it was Reid, looking far more rugged than the last time I’d seen him.

“Reid. I was hoping you would have been shot.” The waitress shoots me a look as I pack up what little items I have with me, slipping a 20 to her. My face flushes in embarrassment.

" _Why the hell am I embarrassed? It’s not like I have feelings for him or anything"_.

“Aww, I missed you too.” Reid retorts, smirking at my scowl.

He holds the door for me as we exit the establishment.

“Why did you do that?” I ask him suspiciously, crossing with him to the awaiting SUVs.

“What are you taking about Y/L/N?” Reid asks, a genuinely confused look on his face. The suspicions in me subside.

“I don't know, you have never held the door for me before. Or really done anything nice to me in that matter.” I reply. Reid’s eyes glaze over slightly, as he searches through his eidetic memory for anything to counter my point. He shrugs after the search comes up empty handed.

The eccentric, yet pedestrian conversation ends when the car doors open and we get in, welcoming me back into the real world, outside of that tiny Texas town where the seed of something so much bigger than I can comprehend is planted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! It has been a second since I've updated. I'm sorry this was so dialogue heavy, I'm trying to build the tension the best I can, before the plot catches up to me. Please feel free to leave any questions, comments, concerns or really anything below. 
> 
> If you haven't heard it yet today, or just need to hear it again: You are loved, your existence is valid and you deserve to be happy. 
> 
> xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song in this chapter is "Miss Misery (Early version)" by Elliot Smith
> 
> Also this baby is a monster, have fun y'all

_I'll fake it through the day_

_With some help from Johnny Walker Red_

The world slowed after that case. They say that where ignorance is bliss, tis’ folly to be wise (and by they, I of course mean Thomas Gray). Despite that, my whole life I was pushed to know the most, do the best, be the best, though now all I want is the oblivion. The innocence I’d like to think I once had. 

_And the cold pain behind my eyes_

_It shoots back through my head_

Yet, time kept ticking. More cases to work, more sneaking looks. Day after day, hour after hour, I couldn’t escape the intrusion of my thoughts.

_“What would have happened if he didn’t already hate me when we met?”_

_“What if I wasn’t so bitchy?”_

_“Why didn't I call for peace earlier?”  
  
_

I know this is not my fault. I need to know that it isn't my fault. Alas, the cogitation was inevitable. The best solution would be to request a transfer. 

“ _Why the hell would I do that? I’ve worked too hard to get pushed out by a 24 year old brat with a superiority complex.”_

This is unsustainable. 

_With two tickets torn in half_

_And a lot of nothing to do_

_But it's all right_

_'Cause some enchanted night I'll be with you_

“You are so blind Y/N” 

“You two are the only people who can’t see it, even Hotch noticed”

“Ladybug you need to talk to him, you look awful.”

The lies and truth has no discernable distinction. Black and white is simply a blur. Therefore, it is easier to assume that nothing is the truth. 

_The tarot cards_

_And the lines in my hand_

_Tell me I'm wrong_

_But they're untrue_

“Y/N, can you see me in my office?” Hotch calls out to me on one of our rare days, where sedentary office life is the normal. I shuffle my way out of the bullpen and up to where the ever stoic Hotch awaited, making sure to ram my side into the back of Reid’s chair as I pass.

“I hope this doesn't seem rude,” Hotch starts, closing the door behind us. “But is everything alright? You look as if you haven’t slept in days, and I just want to make sure there isn’t something here that will impact your job significantly.” Despite his demeanour, Hotch’s words are delivered in a caring, kind way.

I bowed my head in shame, and to conceal the tears threatening to expel from my eyes. 

“Y-yeah, I’m doing okay. Nothing that will impact my work with the team. Just sorting out some personal things right now.” I clear my throat.

“What about-”

I stop Hotch before he can finish his sentence, a sentence I can not think of completing without wanting to vomit. “It isn’t about him-that, I mean. I’m just- I’m going to be fine. Thank you though, sir.” I stand up to leave. 

I can see Hotch wanted to say more, yet he stopped himself before he could stop me from leaving his office.

_I got plans for both of us_

_That involve a trip out of town_

_To a place I've seen in a magazine_

_That you left lying around_

I tried to stop these feelings, the ones burrowing inside me. The ones that made me a traitor to myself, who I was. Nothing is helping. No drink can quench my thirst, no ambrosia can heal the pain he is putting me through.

Past cravings began sneaking back. Memories of college, when it would get really bad, when living on cigarettes and coffee and ramen became deja vu. When the only way I could sleep was blacking out on my dorm bed, the stress of attempting to get 3 bachelors at the same time cracking the prodigy in me. 

It wasn’t glamorous then, and it isn’t glamorous now.

_I can't hold my liquor but_

_I keep a good attitude_

_'Cause it's all right_

_Some enchanted night I'll be with you_

Flying used to be invigorating for me. It wasn’t something I’d participate in as a kid, but from my childhood bedroom I could see the planes departing and arriving from Atlantic City International Airport. _“How many people are on those planes? Where are they going? Who are they?”_ I used to ask myself. The open-endedness of those daydreams were in strict contrast with anything else, further singeing flight as a unique thing for me. 

Now it is just more contained contact with him.

“Y/N” Elle calls out to me quietly, bursting the daydream I was in. She had slid into the seat across from me, without my noticing.

I look up at her, receiving a concerned glance.

“I just wanted to tell you that i’m here for you. I know how complicated things are right now for you and it seems like you are struggling,” She places her hand on mine, flipping it palm up, and begins to rub my wrist, brushing up against the corner of a nicotine patch I’d conveniently hidden under my sleeve. I look down at her lingering fingers guiltily. 

“Elle, have you ever liked someone you shouldn’t?” Instantly, she is overtaken by laughter. 

“Y/N, you can not be serious. Are you talking about boy wonder?”

I hang my head in shame, “Is it that obvious?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“It is so, so clear. The first thing Morgan said when we heard about you before your transfer was ‘yo, this sounds like pretty boys dream girl’” Elle attempts to imitate Morgan, making me join her in acute laughter. 

“You are lying” I respond, having just snapped back to what I call reality.

“I wish I was. I swear to you that you two, if you could get past your stubbornness, would be an unstoppable force. God, you two are the only people in the world who know that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob”

“Arranged in 16 seperate rows” I mutter, further affirming Elle’s point.

“See what I mean Y/N? Now I know I haven't been on the team nearly as long as the two of you have, but from what I can gather you two are using this anger you have built around the other to push away any sort of healthy relationship.” 

I start to protest, but Elle calmly presses her free hand to my lips.

“Once you both give the other a tiny peek into who you actually are, I think the rest will unknot itself. He is stubborn as you are, so I’m not sure when or how this will happen. That is partly up to you love.” Elle finished, keeping quiet so I can set my head down and try to sleep away something, anything.

_And though you'd rather see me gone_

_Than to see there come the day_

_I'll be waiting for you anyway_

The biggest upside-that-is-also-a-downside about being a profiler has to be the sheer number of hotels we have to stay in. As nice as it is to not have to clean the rooms and to be able to have food delivered to your door, sometimes you just want to be in your own bed. 

Crying yourself to sleep or erratically pacing through the night is not as cathartic when you are surrounded by your coworkers.

It is nearly 3AM when a banging at my room door snaps me out of my pacing. Embarrassed, I cross the room, wiping my eyes and preparing my explanations already. I open the door.

“-Morgan please can you practice coitous any quieter? It’s the middle of the nigh..” Reid is standing in my doorway, gaping at my non-morganness when I came into sight.

“Oh, Y/N! I thought Morgan was staying here..” Reid glances down at me, who is turning more and more red by the second.

“ _Fucking shit._ ” I think, remembering the state of attire I am currently in, and by attire I mean my undergarments and the duvet from the bed. I quickly cross my arms over my chest, tightening my grip on the duvet. Glancing back up at my face, for a moment sympathy seems to slip past Spencer, who’s calculating his next best move, in account of my bloodshot, tired eyes and running makeup. I’m sure I look like a zombie. 

“No, its fine really, i’ll be quieter, sorry to disappoint..” I break the silence, staring back at his lack of grandpa clothes. 

Reid clears his throat. “Uh- well I wouldn't say disappoint. If anything I am relieved that I didn’t have to face Morgan mid-intercourse.” I chuckle with him. “Well, I hope- I hope everything is alright.” Reid mutters before running off.

“ _Fucking weirdo pervert.”_

_Next door the TV's flashing_

_Blue frames on the wall_

_It's a comedy from the 70s_

_With a lead no one recalls_

_He vanished into oblivion_

_It's easy to do_

“Why the hell is she upset at me?” Spencer asks JJ, who has busied herself with the coffee maker. 

“God, for a genius you are such an idiot!” JJ cries out, earning her shushing from Reid.

“JJ quiet! I don't know where she is.” He glances around the bullpen, searching for any sign of my presence. Though the search turns up fruitless, Reid still drags JJ into her office, forgetting its proximity to the file room, the same one I had taken up as my designated crying space. Despite the wall between the rooms, the two agents’ voices seep through the vents. 

I am broken from my melancholic sulk upon hearing them.

“Do you seriously not know why she has been so frantic recently?” JJ asks, closing the door behind them.

“No, I have no idea what is happening! Did I do something JJ?” 

I hear JJ exhale. 

“Spence, I think it is what you didn’t do that is making her so upset. Y/N -” Reid cuts her off.

“What was I supposed to do!” Spencer cries out. At this point I had stopped crying entirely, completely invested in this conversation. I slump down onto the ground next to the vent. 

“Spencer- stop and listen to me for just a moment. You remember every interaction you have ever had with her, right? Tell me what happened the first time you met.” 

After a beat, Spencer recalls, “She walked out of Hotch’s office with him and gideon. She looked nervous, almost vulnerable. Her hand kept brushing up against her holster. Hotch went to introduce her to us all, and when he introduced me, I- I didn't look at her. I asked Gideon if I could go back to my desk, and then I did so before anyone could say anything.”

“Good. Now tell me what happened at her first briefing?” JJ continues.

“She mentioned something about the Unsubs writing, the syntax was odd, and she pointed that out. I muttered something under my breath, and she must have thought I said something mean because she snapped at me and said, ‘I’m the one here with the PHD in linguistics, if you have something to say to me say it to my face’, and then I said ‘alright, I think you are way off, Y/L/N.’ That was the first thing we said to one another.”

JJ hummed in agreement. “Now, do you see what her first impression of you may have been? She shows up here, fresh out of the academy, recruited just like you. Gideon probably mentioned you to her, and how he had also recruited you, how similar in age and background you both are, and the first thing you did to her was be an asshole. How do you think she interpreted that?”

Spencer is upset now. “Jennifer, you know why I came off like that! Once I saw that there wasn’t any room for much more than whatever feud we had I shut that down for myself. She- she cant - it isn't fair.” His voice cracks, and the sound of the door opening and closing, followed by JJ calling out are enough to snap me back into reality. I don’t know when the tears began again, but they had.

_And I cry to see when you talked to me_

_The day you said we were through_

* * *

There is a knock at my door. It’s one of the rare nights I am actually at home, and not away on a case.

_“Just my fucking luck”_ I think, trudging through my sleepy daze towards the door.

Opening it, I am surprised to see a pair of latté coloured eyes meeting mine.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” I ask, rubbing my sand-filled eyes.

Reid clenches and wrings his hands, the blanch of the tightened skin in such contrast with the red of his face.

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can not keep going another day pretending that I hate every approximately seven billion billion billion atoms that make up who you are. I can’t help but be so hopelessly, stupidly in love with you.-” 

I blink, once, twice, three times, expecting Reid to vanish; yet he is as there as he was just moments before, continuing to ramble. 

“Reid-” I try to stop him, but he keeps prating on and on and on.

“Spencer!” I cry out! He stops for a beat, stunned that I used his real name. 

I took that split second to my advantage, prying his hands apart and closing the gap between us, lightly placing my forehead against his. I can feel Spencer tense momentarily before processing my swift movements.

“You.. you love me?” I murmur, no sound coming through my lips. But with nothing but the wisps of air, Spencer knew what I asked.

He moves closer to me, millimeter by millimeter, as if he was fighting some unseen force to get close to me, to touch me. After an eon, his lips finally brush mine, as if to confirm the question I'd asked so many years ago.

Then I wake up.

_But it's all right_

_Some enchanted night I'll be with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there reader! First, i'd like to apologise for the late posting. This chapter is hella long, but I'll be posting more frequently hopefully. 
> 
> feel free to ask me anything or give me feedback, it is all appreciated!!
> 
> Ily all!


	8. Chapter 8

The week started off better than I could have hoped. Spring was in full bloom, and all of the capital was budding with cherry blossoms. Spring has always been my favourite season. Yet the best part was the absence of Reid, who is in Los Angeles with Gideon conducting a seminar. But alas, all good things come to a bitter end. 

“Everyone, Gideon and Reid found a case. We leave for LA in 20.” Hotch announces to the teams dismay. I groan loudly and dramatically push my head onto my desktop. 

“Aww cupcake, are you nervous to see your beau?” Morgan teases me, that bastard.

In response I sit up in my seat, and take off one of my heels to examine.

“Do you know that the word stiletto” I start, gaining the attention of not only Morgan, but JJ, Elle and Garcia as well, “means little knife in Italian? It was brought to the states as a knife before becoming the name of a shoe in the mid twentieth century. Did you know that Morgan?”

He gulps and shakes his head no.

“It’s quite simple really to kill someone with a stiletto, you just need to know where to aim.” I run a finger along the heel of my shoe, before putting it back on my foot.

“What are you implying, Y/N?” Morgan asks.

Standing up, I grab my go-bag from its spot beneath my desk. “Nothing more than a factoid Morgan.” I say, pushing past him towards the exit. 

Before I am out of earshot, I hear Garcia remark.

“Damn, she can be so scary sometimes.” 

* * *

JJ briefed us all on the Jet.

"We are looking at homicides, possibly connected. All killed with the same type of weapon. 22 caliber handgun.”

“.22 caliber handgun? Those babies are small but efficient, the preferred weapon of the mafia. It would make sense this is an organised group of unsubs.”

  
  


Elle retorts Morgan's point. “This doesn’t seem like the work of organised crime, look at the victims. The first was an established film producer. Wally Melman. And the second was Chloe Harris, another young actress... But not as well known as Natalie here. All the kills are clean except in the instance of the last victim, Jeremy Collins. Any forensic evidence?”

“There's no DNA, no manifestation of psycho-sexual release, and there's no detectable signature of any kind” I begin, “This doesn’t read as a serial killer, but serial killings. I’m guessing the unsub is a type-4 assassin.”

Seeing the confused looks on some faces, I add, “Type 1's are political assassins, like John Wilkes Booth. Type 2's are egocentrics looking for simple recognition. Type 3's are psychopaths, cold-blooded killers who leave far messier scenes. And type 4, our Unsub, suffers from a major mental disorder and is frequently delusional. The closer we come to figuring out that delusion, the closer we'll get to finding the unsub.”

“What's he going to be doing until we do?” JJ asks.

Hotch ends the briefing. “Finding other victims.”

* * *

LA is as miserable as I remember. 

Ridiculous traffic? Check.

Insufferable heat? Check.

Self-absorbed celebrities? Double Check.

_“Maybe I am being pissy”_ I think, sitting in the cars provided by the LAPD to get us our respective destinations. 

JJ and I were sent to the station, where Reid and Gideon were awaiting us. The precinct had an airy feeling, having drawn design inspiration from the historical roots of Los Angeles. Having just got off a six hour flight, I keep my head down as I cross the station to find solace in heaven on earth, which takes the form of the break room’s coffee machine. Quickly refilling my travel mug with the fresh joe, I take a moment to examine my surroundings.

I expected normality. Officers filling out paperwork, phones ringing, annoyed noises coming from the holding rooms. But what I did not expect was the sight of Spencer, comforting a seemingly distressed blonde woman. She clung onto him for dear life, with doe eyes and an angelic face. Something about the sight made my blood boil. 

As profilers, we are trained to analyze human body language and other visible indications to identify devious behaviour. And everything I viewed between Spencer and this mystery vixen was nothing less of devious. The way he looked at her, flashes of lust and sympathy so abundantly clear. Her, using him as a life preserver. They were in their own world. Nothing else mattered to them. No one else mattered to them. Reid must have felt my glance, looking up at me. His expression became apathetic as he made eye contact. 

“ _Nope, not being pissy.”_ I think while dashing to find privacy, hot tears threatening their escape. I can almost hear my name being called behind me, but I was too far gone to respond. I entered the closest room I could find without interrupting anyone or anything, letting the sob exit my throat, leaving only tightness behind. 

“ _That fucking bastard. He knows, he has to know what he’s doing. He knows he is grinding the shards that make up me into a fine powder.”_ My ears roar, the sounds of my cries deafen me from my thoughts. Through the crashing waves of sound, I can hear JJ reassuring someone in the hallway, following the sounds of her footsteps. Before she can open the door, I bring myself to wipe my tears the best I can. 

One look from her is enough to push me back over the edge, and I crumple into her. JJ’s motherly instincts kick in instantaneously; she strokes my hair and whispers supportive things in my ear, rocking me back and forth. She doesn’t ask me anything, instead waits for me to start a discussion. 

“I shouldn’t b-be doing this, I shouldn’t be hur-hurting from this” I choke out. “He has to know, he has t-to.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N. Lila’s scared and I hope for yours and his sake Spencer is just trying to help her.” JJ soothed. I slip out of her grasp, and the petite blonde helps me back up to my feet.

“Listen, I’m not sure most of the time what is happening in Spence’s brain, or your brain for that matter but I do know how amazing you both are and I hope you realise that about one another. Though I do know Garcia is ready to _Parent Trap_ you two, her words, not mine.” 

“Thank you Jayge.” I wipe the remnants of my outburst from sight. “Let’s get this case over with.”

* * *

Lila Archer, it turns out is an up and coming actress Reid and Gideon had met the night before at an art gallery. According to her agent, Lila had received an anonymous note, leading the ‘freakout.’ Despite our pleas to her to stop her working for the time being, the most desperate and pathetic coming from Reid himself, she refused.

“Wow, she is as stubborn as you! No wonder pretty boy is all over her” Derek teased, earning a smack on the arm from me. Luckily I had the insight to tell Penelope, who loudly scolded him. It truly felt invigorating to hear her yelling “You are such an ass sometimes, chocolate thunder” over the phone in a police station that had fallen dead silent. Hotch, ever the professional diffused the situation, sending me out to Lila’s agent, Michael Ryer’s office with Elle.

“Elle, wanna bet this guy has something to do with the murders?” I say, as we walk towards his office.

“I’m sure, all of Hollywood is full of corruption and greed. What better way to gain attention and fame then to fake a dangerous entity that is threatening an up and coming Starlet.” She replies. 

“Yeah” I scoff, “Send her in to seduce the big bad FBI, kill off everyone that stands to ‘threaten’ the girl, then drop all of it. People eat cold cases up, Lila would be a household name overnight, and I bet Mr. Agent here would get a nice slice of the profits.” 

I feel Elle stiffen behind me. “Y/N, I think I am going to have to back out of this bet.” 

I turn around, and see what has shaken Elle. A corpse, none other than Michael himself, is sitting at the desk. Elle immediately calls for backup, and I call Hotch to fill him in. 

“Hotch.”

“It’s Y/L/N. Elle and I are at the agents office, looks like the unsub got here before we could. A GSW to the head did him in.”

“I bet it is a .22 that did it. Alright, Y/N, go to Lila Archer’s estate, Penelope can send the address, and deliver the news. Reid is already there to keep Lila supervised. I’ll update you two on any new information, but for the time being don’t let her know about Ryer. ”

I flip my phone closed and turn back to Elle, who’s looking out the window, awaiting the backups arrival. 

“Yo, the boss man has requested my presence at the girl’s house, I’ll see you later?” I joke, and gather myself to leave.

“Alright, don’t let your bloodlust take over and accidentally kill someone” Elle retorts, making me snort.

“See ya.”

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

For all the hate I give LA, it is beautiful at night. The streetlights seem to streak the sky when you whiz past, and though the world seems to sleep, the city itself comes alive. Palm trees line the roads, and not to mention the radio stations are way better here than in Virginia. Yet the most incredible thing about Los Angeles is its otherside. The side the public doesn’t see, the side that you can only access if you know where to look. Being an FBI agent does have its perks. 

It is why I am able to pull into Lila Archer’s gated community, tucked away in the Hollywood hills, out of reach from common society. Lila’s house is exactly what I expected. Perched on a hillside, the glass, wood and stone structure looks to have been built in the 1950’s, based on what I can remember from my history of architecture class I took when I was 16. 

“ _ Let’s get this shit over with.”  _ I think, putting the car into park on the street. The short walk up to the house is long enough for me to collect my thoughts, and prepare what to say to Reid when I arrive. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something move in the bushes.

“The hell-” I mutter to myself, drawing out my handgun and flashlight, and approach the noise. I break out of my sneak, and manage to grab the paparazzo by the collar. He yelps in shock, but I cover his mouth before anyone can be alerted. 

“And what the hell do you think you are doing?” I growl, “Do you not realise this is trespassing and stalking?”

“Look lady, every paparazzi is a stalker, It is a part of the job. Call the cops if you want, but this shot will have me set for a month.” He turns away from me, unphased, and starts snapping photos again. I shove him aside.

“You are going to need to hand over that film, sir. If I didn’t have something to do right now I’d arr--” I stop short after looking through the hole in the bushes. 

There, in plain sight, is Reid and Lila in the pool. Reid still in his work clothes, and Lila in a tiny bikini that leaves nothing to the imagination. They were furiously making out, as if one another is the only source of oxygen. Like they were all the way underwater and the kiss would keep them from drowning. My stomach drops. Shock is replaced by dread is replaced by sadness is replaced by fury. I snatch the Camera from the photographer's hands and rip out the film, before pushing the camera back into the hands of the gaping man.

“Is this all the film?” I ask, and receive a mumbled yes in response. “Get the fuck out of here. I have your license plate, so don’t think for one second you can up and leave, because I will find you. Got it, punk?” 

The man nods furiously, and scampers away into the dusk. I quickly revert my attention to the pool, where Lila is now alone, crying after Reid supposedly. This is enough waiting for me. I walk my way to the front door, calling Garcia on the way. 

“This is your friendly neighbourhood oracle, what can I see for you this evening?” Penelope chimes, despite it being the early morning for her back at Quantico. 

“Hey Pen, it's Y/N. I'm going to give you a license plate, would you mind running it and sending the drivers info to the team? He should be a white male, mid 40’s, dark hair. A photographer, I just found him in the bushes while walking up to Archer’s estate.” 

“What you ask for you will receive! Over and out!” The line cuts. 

* * *

There isn't much movement in the house. I look through the frosted glass of the front door. Besides music being played from somewhere inside, there are no signs of life. It isn’t until I ring the doorbell do I see Lila’s figure appear in my sightline.

“Don’t answer the door Lila!” Reid calls from somewhere in the house. Lila ignores him and opens the door anyways.

“Can I help you?” She asks sweetly, not at all embarrassed of her near-nakedness. I flash my badge.

“I’m Doctor Y/L/N from the FBI. Is Dr. Reid here?” I question, matching her peppy, naive tone as best I could.

“Yeah he is, he is just getting changed. Come on in, can I get you something to drink?” I follow her inside the house. 

“No it is alright,” I reply, sitting down on her couch. “I’m only here for a moment to talk to Reid.” Just then, I hear footsteps behind me. Reid appears, wearing all grey sweats, his normally slicked back hair messy and damp.

“Lila, what did I say about answering the- oh. Y/N. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He sneers at me, flashing Lila a ‘I’ll take care of this’ look. 

I stand up from my seat, still clutching the canister of film. Reid spots it and blanches instantly. “Don’t be so excited to see me,” I reply, “Can we speak for a moment? Please excuse us Lila.” I practically drag him into the other room by the drawstring of his hoodie.

I shut the door behind us. 

“Are you having fun with your new plaything?” I start coldly. 

“What did you see..” Reid says in a hushed tone, grabbing at the canister in my hand. I refuse to release it, so instead he clasps my hand in between his. 

“Shut up Reid. Firstly, Hotch sent me here to tell you that Michael Ryer was murdered. Why he sent me I wish I knew. Secondly there was a photographer in the bushes outside. I saw him and scared him away. What the hell is wrong with you? We are working a case and instead of protecting someone from a murderous stalker, you are playing in the pool with this fling?” I pull my hand out from his grasp. “Do you have anything to say for yourself, Doctor, or should I leave now and quit cockblocking you?” 

Something in my rant must have angered him, because as I was turning away Reid grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to look at him. 

“You know what, Y/N? I am sick of your whole ‘I’m better than you and everyone has to know it’ schtick. It is exhausting being around you, because you spend every waking moment you are around me making sure I know how much you don’t like me. And the moment I stop responding to your crap you get all depressed and weepy. Yes, we know you are a mess, there is no need to shove it in our faces all the time.” As the words left his mouth, I could tell he regretted it. I pushed out of his hold and walked out the door. Spencer followed me. 

“You know what Reid,” I begin, “I was stupid enough to let you push me away before I had the chance to do so myself. You are no different than anyone else in my life I have cared for. You are the most selfish, arrogant person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. You think that I started this- whatever we have? On my first day you just walked away mid-introduction. Don’t even try to tell me I am the one who started this. Sure, say I have a need to be the best, but that is because people like you suck me dry and then kick me to the curb when a newer, better version of me comes along. I know that’s how people see me, so I try everything in my fucking power to become as irreplaceable as possible. I can get more and more degrees, be the top of the class-“ my voice breaks. “But it doesn’t matter. My parents still don’t care, my friends don’t care, and worst, you don’t care. So here.” I toss him the film canister. “Take this, I’m leaving.” 

Reid may have called after me, but the sound of my thoughts in my ears were too loud to make anything out. I caught a glance of him, still standing on the driveway, frozen in place as I drove away.   
  



	10. Chapter 10

_ He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry. _

_ -Marcus Zusak, The Book Thief  _

The world could have ended then and there and I wouldn't have cared. My world had already seemingly ended right then and there. If I’m honest, life as I knew it ended the second I first laid eyes on Spencer. It was the feeling of being knocked on your back: no matter how much you inhale, it feels like oxygen simply ceased existing. The arid breaths I take on the drive back to the police station do nothing but coat my throat with what feels like sand. No matter how many windows I roll down, or how high I turn the AC, I still feel like I’ve been dipped in hot wax.

Even if I could forget what I had seen, I do not think I’d want to unsee. It reminds me of what my mom used to say to, “ _ No matter how hard ya try, when the worlds decided to make you see somethin it’s going to show ya somethin whether you like it or not” _

“God, what am i even talking about?” I cry, slamming my hands on the steering wheel. The car was in the parking lot of the police station I don't recall driving to. The daze and fog of my feelings has done a number on me. Still, I continue, and walk into the precinct to return the car keys. “ _ Seeing as the station is uncharacteristically quiet, There was probably a development Archer’s place”  _ I leave the keys in the conference room us agents took over, along with a note. 

**Back at the hotel. Call if needed.**

**Y/L/N**

The hotel wasn’t a far walk. Despite having driven this way just a few hours ago, nothing I thought was good or beautiful stayed that way. The lights are too bright, the streets too loud, the air too hot. The life I felt before was nothing more but toxicity, a slow IV drip of poison slowly killing all those who have the misfortune of being in this shit city. 

_ “I have to get out of here.” _

* * *

By the time the team returns from the case, the little light that was streaking the sky at my departure was merely a memory. Artificial light continues its supremacy, illuminating the view I have from the hotel’s rooftop. Despite having the silence and privacy of my own room, the access to fresh air is what eventually led me up. Lucky for me, the bar area that takes over a majority of the space is relatively empty, and the corner I situate myself in is even more isolate. That is, until I hear footsteps coming from behind me. 

“I can put it out, I assumed it was okay to smoke up here.” I say, clearing my throat of the leftover bile from my crying.

“Y/N-” I hear behind me, in a hushed, calm voice, almost as if the speaker was afraid of scaring me away. 

I stiffen instantly. “You do know what fuck off means, don’t you?” I put out the remainder of my cigarette and stood up, turning towards Spencer. He looks awful, eyes more bloodshot and sad than usual. He was back in his more normal clothes, but they were wrinkly. That, plus the messiness of his usually well styled hair made Spencer so disheveled. Yet the recollection of his words removed any pity I may have felt for him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did your plaything not finish you off? Is that why Spencie looks so sad?” I sarcastically pout, shooting daggers at him. I don’t bother waiting for a response, instead deciding to walk back towards the elevators. I am stopped by Spencer grabbing my wrist. His hand, despite being warm and shaky, had a firm grip on me.

“Can you shut up for a minute Y/L/N?” He asks, desperation clear in his voice.

“You have 30 seconds” I respond, looking down at my watch.

“Seriously? Uh, I guess i’ll start by apologising to you. I can’t believe I was so cruel to you, I didn’t take into account your feelings, I didn’t know you feel, or felt the way you did about me. Morgan and everyone else joked about it, but I assumed they were not being serious, you know how they are. To be honest i’m still not convinced that you aren't a part of some sort of elaborate prank to make me look like a fool. Just everything alleged goes directly against what our whole dynamic is based-” 

“Times up” I cut him off, pulling my arm from his grasp, speeding away from him as fast as possible. He is faster, running ahead of me, blocking the entrance inside.

“Reid can you stop this? I do not have time for this.” I continue pleading with him, my tears returning. 

Out of seemingly nowhere, and out of Spencer Reid fashion, His voice silences everything and everyone else in earshot.

“I wish that it was you who had kissed me!”

His eyes get so yellow when he is on the verge of tears. The pupils dilate tremendously, leaving irises reminiscent of black eyed susans in its wake. 

“Just. Stop it Reid. Just leave me alone.” I push past Reid, and press the elevator button, to be greeted by the doors creaking open in welcome. I board, only to be followed by Reid, who keeps to his own little corner, probably for his own benefit. He presses the lobby button with his knuckle, and withdraws again. At that very moment, the Lift stops completely, and the lights go out completely. 

Shit.


	11. Chapter 11

“No, no no no no, this isn't happening!, This can’t be happening” I cry out, dashing forwards to bang on the doors. They don’t budge.

“The power must have gone ou-” Spencer tries to speak, but quiets when I turn back to glare at him. Giving up, I slump against the wall in a huff. I whip out my phone and to my displeasure, I see that all cell service is out. 

“This must be a rolling blackout with just perfect timing.” I groan and sink further to the ground. “Fuck my life.” I can sense that Spencer wants to say something, but fortunately he holds his tongue.

_ “His mouth is the last thing I need right now.” _ I think, cringing at my unconscious choice of words.

The emergency lights flicker back on, lightly illuminating the small space we were confined to. I look over towards Spencer, who doesn’t seem to have registered the change. His eyes are glassy, lips tightly pursed, hands still. The dim light only makes his features more sunken and pale.

_ “Think, Y/N, think.”  _ I sigh, and dig in my purse. Whipping out a nicotine patch, I apply it and sigh my relief.

* * *

It was quiet for a while after that. I am taken over by thought, planning every way I can escape this place, which I am more afraid of than I am afraid of the horrors I witness every day.

Out of nowhere, Reids quiet voice breaks through.

“Six minutes.”

“Come again?” I question.

“Um, it was something I used to say to my mom to try to get her to quit smoking. A cigarette takes 6 minutes off your life. So every time she'd light one, I'd say, "it's 6 minutes less that I get to spend with you."

After a pregnant silence, I reply. “You never talk about your mom.”

“You’ve never asked.” He responds. 

“Fine,” I say, turning towards him. I rip off the patch and fold it before tossing it over towards Reid. “Tell me about your mom.”

Reid clears his throat, shocked at the response he received. “Well, she lives back home in Vegas. She was a professor. 15th century literature. She isn’t teaching anymore.” 

“She sounds lovely.” I hum. “Why don’t you visit her? I’ve worked with you for what, 10 months now, and not once have you gone home.” 

Something switches in Reid’s demeanour; for a moment I fear i’ve pushed the conversation too far. 

“I haven’t gone home in almost 18 months. I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I go. Besides, there are no guarantees when it comes to her. There haven’t been for 18 years.”   
  


“When your dad left?” 

“Y-yeah. He couldn’t handle my mother anymore, nor did he know how to be a father to me. So he left me with a woman who wouldn't remember to eat if she wasn’t told to. I knew there was something wrong with her, no child should be forced to care after their schizophrenia mom. Since I had her admitted when I was 18, I can barely look at her. I write to her every day. If i didn’t I don't know what I would do with the guilt.” Spencer looks up at my sympathetic gape, and meets it with a desperate gaze. “Don’t try and take pity on me, I don’t want to hear it, I know after this you are likely going to use this against me. I shouldn’t be saying this, please say something Y/N.” 

“I thought my family situation was shitty.” I respond, inching towards Reid.

“Tell me about them.” Spencer opens the floor for me.

Ignoring the twisting of my stomach, begging me not to say anything, to keep avoiding it. 

“I guess I feel less guilty than you might about it all, they weren’t ever great parents to me anyways. Besides, it’s hard to go and see them when they’re in federal prison.” I can see the questions on Reid’s face. “Last time I really saw them was when I got emancipated at 13. They probably knew that the IRS was closed in on so they did the decent thing and made sure I wouldn’t be there when it happened.” 

My voice cracks, and a teardrop glides down my face. “I had to go to the trial, you know. Their lawyers told me that if I mentioned the obvious child neglect they would be put away for even longer. I had to testify that I didn’t know about their embezzlement and laundering. They let me read the court documents a few months later and I saw the extent of what they did.” 

“And thats when you went off the rails?” Spencer questions me, also scooting slightly towards me.

“You could say that.” I respond with a laugh. “I was fifteen, what do you expect? I’d just had my whole world turned upside down, and was left to my own devices. I don’t have any siblings or close relatives. I’m just grateful I didn’t lose my scholarships, and that my friends staged an intervention, basically saving my life. So if you still think I am going to use what you’ve told me against you, remember you have just as much dirt on me.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry if I was a jerk to you when we met. I just think I was intimidated and you know how Derek is, and-” I stop his rambling by placing my hand on his chest.

“Reid, its alright. I didn’t do anything but escalate the situation. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” I reassure him. 

“William Blake” He asks, and I nod. “Are you saying that we are enemies?”

“No, I’m saying that we can forgive one another. We are horrible to one another and there is no reason for you to ever forgive my actions, but I forgive you. Okay? I forgive you.”

Reid smiles the most genuine smile I’ve ever seen on him. “I forgive you too, Y/N.”

* * *

Around 3AM the power returned, and the elevator chugged back to life, to our relief. The sudden noise startled me awake, but I was even more startled to find myself resting against Spencer, his cardigan draped over my shoulders. 

“Y/N, the power is back” Reid says, gently pulling me to my feet. 

“Good, I’m getting all cramped in here.” I retort, earning a light chuckle from Reid.

I realise I still have his cardigan, so I pull it off and hand it back to him just as the doors chime their opening. We step out into the seemingly abandoned lobby, leaving the daze that the lift became. 

“So, uh.. My room is this way.” I stutter, pointing behind me. Spencer blinks and points in the opposite direction. 

“Yeah.. I’m this way, I guess.” He rocks on his heels. “Um, goodnight then Y/N.” 

“Goodnight, Spencer.” I reply, turning to walk back to my room. I get maybe 20 feet before I turn around.

“Hey Spence?” 

“Yes?”

He turns around in confusion, but I am already dashing to him, and he is already bracing for impact. We meet in a crescendo. I jump up onto him, wrapping my legs around him, placing one hand on the back of his neck as we kiss, and the other grasps his shoulder. Reid responds as well, pulling me flush to him. Weightlessness fills every fiber in my body, not just from the not-touching-the-ground part, but because together we have ascended. Time stops, and nothing else in the world exists. After a moment, I bury my face in his neck, Spencer still carrying me.

“What now?” I murmur into his shirt.

“Come on” He responds, kissing the top of my head. He sets me down before grabbing my hand. We walk together in the opposite direction.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Mini note~
> 
> Hello lovelies! This will not apply to most of ya, but I’m throwing in a disclaimer for this chapter because it's going to get a little ˢᵖⁱᶜʸ (Nothing too crazy, this is the first thing of this sort I am publishing, I’ll need a minute to warm up) . Need not worry, you can skip this chapter without missing anything! On that note, let’s get into the story!

Hand in hand, Spencer and I tore through the winding hallways of the hotel, fumbling our way to privacy. Our erratic movements combined with our difficulty opening the hotel room’s door would bring anyone to the conclusion that we were both so intoxicated, when in reality nothing in the world seemed more clear. Spencer does eventually open the door, swinging it closed behind us. The feeling that hung in the air in that room is as intense as the elevators, yet it wasn’t coming from tension, instead coming from lust.

I practically pull Spencer deeper in the room, before flopping face first onto the bed, dragging him down with me. He lands next to me, one arm on my hip, urging me closer to him. 

“What now?” I whisper into the sheets. 

“Well, the plane leaves at 9, so we have 6 hours to ourselves, give or take.” Reid replies. I laugh.

“I meant between you and me.” I reply. “I doubt that if we go further we will be able to stop, and I know for a fact our sudden tolerance for one another will raise some heads. I don’t know what the right call is. Damn us for working with profilers.” 

“Well, I know what I want, Y/N.” He places a hand on my chin, and moves my head out from the sheets to face him. “You are the most challenging, amazing, beautiful person i’ve ever met, and I doubt that will change anytime soon. As difficult as it will be, I want to try. Because this isn’t one sided, right? And I know that we may get in trouble, but I need to know that this isn’t just me.” I nod my agreement. “Well then, what’s stopping us right now? I want to be with you, and we have six hours to do so before the world catches up to us. There is no one in this world I’d rather navigate that with”

“Awe love, you’re so corny!” I tease, caressing his face, feeling the skin heat beneath my fingertips. 

“What did you just call me?” He asks me, sitting up. I follow suit.

“Do you want me to say it again?” I say, but before I can get an answer his lips are on mine and I am gone again. I respond instantaneously, crawling onto his lap, using what little space between us to pull off Spencers tie.

“Damn, I've never been so happy that the hotel is at capacity.” Spencer remarks. 

I release my lips from his neck. “Why’s that?”

“We won’t be seen or heard by anyone we know.” Spencer says between kisses.

“Does that mean we will be heard by people we don’t know?” I laugh, finally getting Reid’s tie off.

Instead of responding with a typical, snarky Reid comment, Spencer instead opted to slide one of his hands down to my ass, lightly fondling it, the other moving under my shirt, making contact with the smooth, cool skin of my back. I didn't expect the sudden heat from his hands, and I gasp. Spencer retreats instantly.

“Is this alright?I do not want to be too forward, I haven’t even formally asked you out yet, there is no pressure or rush-” He rambles. I shush him.

“No, no Spence, it’s nothing like that. I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m fine, really. I want to do this. It’s just been a while.” I soothe him, lightly grinding my core against his own. 

Spencer calms after that, and seems to be relieved by my reassurance. “We will take it slow then.” 

“Slow works, though if I’m perfectly honest I'm not sure how long I'll last” I murmur, resuming our disrobing. Having removed Reid’s shirt, I ease us down onto the mattress.

“That is lovely news Y/N, do you know why?” Reid had successfully peeled off my top and had begun toying with my waistband. “I doubt I’ll last very long either.” 

I place my hand on Spencers groin, collecting a baritone moan and a slight buck from the man unraveling in front of me. “I can tell” I goad. At this point we both have been unsheathed, desperate for any nearness, any touch. The power and heat of giving yourself over to the other; defending yourself until, finally, you have no choice but to surrender and feel heaven break over you is addictive. 

In the end, I break away from a sleeping Reid and the haze to wash up, wrapping myself in the duvet. When I return, I’m greeted by an awestruck Reid, looking at me as I had fallen from the sky, an angel who goes to climb into his arms. 

“The last time I saw you like that was in a hotel in the middle of nowhere because I thought you were Morgan” Spencer murmurs in a sleepy voice. 

I laugh. “Well I hope you prefer this time. What are we going to do tomorrow?”

Reid pulls me closer to him, burying his face in my hair, interlocking our fingers. Holding me like I was the only thing keeping him from drowning.

“I have a plan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Another note~
> 
> I just want to thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for your support. As of my writing this we have hit 1.5k reads, which I legit can not believe is factual. This is my first ever fanfiction, and i've never written something of this sort so the fact people actually like this is such a compliment omg. As always, I'd love to hear from you all, and I hope you have a beautiful day!
> 
> xxxx
> 
> Mila 


	13. Chapter 13

Y/N and Spencer’s  Grandest of Grand Plans: Los Angeles Edition

(Written on a hotel notepad because Spence insisted, kept because Y/N is sentimental.)

  * Mission Objective: To evade detection of our romantic awakening by the top profilers in the country.
  * Secondary objective: Get said profilers to believe we no longer hate each other, and now just tolerate one another (This will aid in any future plots)
  * Step one: Wake up at 6:00 AM
    * The plane leaves at 9:00 AM. The airport is 18.8 Mi away from our hotel, equaling about a 35 minute drive, given traffic, making our departure time from the hotel approx. 8:25 AM
    * By 7:00 Gideon, Morgan, and Hotch (at least) will be in the lobby. 
    * In order to avoid detection, Y/N must be out of the room before that time.


  * Step Two: Exiting the room without being seen
    * Spencer’s room is on the ground floor, and has a patio. 
    * Y/N will leave the room through the back, and round back to the hotel, successfully returning to her room without being spotted.


  * Step Three: ‘Burying the hatchet’
    * When on plane, Y/N and Spencer will fabricate a conflict-resolution session, ending in them declaring peace and mutual toleration.



~~

Of course, none of this goes as planned.

The blaring of the alarm clock startles Reid and I awake. We couldn’t have gotten more than three hours of sleep, but seeing as we needed to work fast and smart if we are going to pull this off. 

“Spencer, c’mon.” I mutter, slipping out from Spencer’s arms. All I get in response is a groan. “We’ve got to get going.” 

The shirtless doctor rolls onto his stomach. “Do you remember the plan?” He asks into his pillow. I throw a shirt at him, and pick up my own clothes, which were strewn all over the hotel room. 

“How could I forget? It was only the weirdest post-coitous conversation i’ve ever had.”

“It was also the only post-coitial conversation you’ve ever had, Y/N.” Reid snorts, getting out of the unkempt bed left in our wake. I cross to him and plant a kiss on his lips. 

“Stop projecting onto me, babe, or I’ll make it your last.” I tease, kissing him again. 

“You should probably get going.” Spencer says sadly. He must catch a glimpse of disappointment on my face. “It’s going to be alright, pretty girl. When we get back to Quantico we can be together again. Can I take you out to dinner tonight?” 

“If you insist.” I tease. Having gathered all my things, I walk onto the patio, which luckily is street level. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

“I’ll see you when I see you.” Spence closes the door behind me, flashing me a half smile that makes my heart sigh.

Let’s do this. 

Hopping the small fence separating the small deck from the sidewalk, I stop to check my watch. It reads 7:05.

“ _ Fucking shit.”  _ I think, Cursing myself and Spencer for our tardiness. I turn the corner, walking towards the entrance of the hotel when I spot Derek and Hotch already sitting in the lobby. There is no way I’ll sneak by them unnoticed, so I hastily dial Reid’s cell, and walk in the opposite direction. 

“Hello?” Spencer grunts, clearly still waking up.

“Hey doc, we have a situation. Derek and hotch are already in the lobby, we lost track of time or something.” I chirp, attempting to hide my obvious worry from him. I can almost hear the gears turning in his head.

“Don’t you worry, I’ve got a plan. You need to get in there as soon as possible. We are going to have to improvise a little bit. I’m running to get us coffee, i’ll propose a meeting on the plane now.” 

He hums in understanding. “They're going to be suspicious, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll figure it out. Get down there; Toodles!” I close the phone, and get the drinks .

* * *

Reid keeps to his word, because by the time I return to the hotel, he has made himself busy in the company of Morgan. When I am seen, Morgan takes in my unkempt appearance at face value.

“Damn, darlin’, what happened to you? Did you even come back last night?” He asks, nudging an unfazed Reid, who glances up at me and then back at his lap.

“I did handsome, unfortunately I was up on the roof when the power went out, so I had to rough it up and try to sleep there. I’m about to go make myself presentable.”

Morgan is still clearly suspicious of me. “You still look all jittery. You’ve been strange for a little while now, are you sure everything is alright? You know we are all here for you, even pretty boy is, right Reid?” Morgan asks, a ‘ _ Be nice or I hurt you _ ’ tone to his voice.

“Yeah, you are not removing me from your life, anytime soon, as much as you want it.” He remarks. A flush blooms over his complexion, him clearly feeling guilty just saying such a thing, though i know we are just keeping our cover. 

“I’m alright. I just stopped smoking the other day and today is the first day I don’t feel like ripping out my hair.”

“And where were you just now?” Morgan keeps questioning. I roll my eyes at him

  
  


“I went to get coffee.” I shoot back, holding up the coffee cups. I divert my attention to the gangly man next to Morgan. “Reid, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“I’d like there to be witnesses for when you kill me” He retorts, meeting my glare with a shit eating smile. Putting up a little fight, he eventually gives into my request. Despite being out of earshot of Morgan, I kept to my plan.

“Can we talk on the plane? I think that there is a lot of things I need to explain, and I bet you feel the same. I feel really bad about last night, with Lila, and we have a 5 hour flight which is the perfect time for conflict resolution.” I go to hand Spencer the coffee I’d gotten for him. He grips it, sneakily running his fingertips over mine. 

“Bring your talking points.” He responds with a titchy smirk that was just for me, and we return to a stunned looking Morgan.

“Anyways,” I jump in before Morgan can say anything, “I’ll see you both in a little bit.” 

I hear Morgan mutter “What the fuck was that?” When he thought I was out of earshot.

All Spencer responded with was, “That, Derek, was the initiation of the Treaty of Versailles.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:  
> Hey you gorgeous person! I’m going to start by apologising for the long wait, I’ve been pretty unmotivated and preoccupied this past week but I will try to start being more consistent in my publishing. Secondly, I want to say thank you for all of your support! It means so so so much to me that so many people are reading and enjoying my work. To think that me, some random girl writing in her bedroom on her piece of shit laptop is known by so many other people, even in the smallest of ways is incomprehensible. For that I say thank you. Finally, I want to quickly discuss this story itself. I know it seems like the whole enemies to lovers trope has sailed its course, but I promise you I’m not letting you off the hook that easily, because like most things, relationships are not linear. Kudos to you if u got the little bit of foreshadowing at the end of this chapter.
> 
> Anyways, I love you all, and I wish you the brightest of bright days!  
> M


	14. Update

Hello There, lovely people!! 

I just wanted to stop in really quick to apologise for my absence. I'm wrapping up the first week of my school year, and I've been quite focused on starting the year on a decent note. I will be deleting this chapter once the next actual chapter is posted, I just wanted to check in and let you know I have not died!

I hope you are all doing well, and expect an update in the coming days! (I'm setting aside some time today to just write because there is so much more of TTD to explore!)

Also, I'd like to use this platform I have, as small as it may be to remind you all that this week is suicide prevention week (At least in the US). We are living in times that are difficult on someone who has stable/good mental health, So i'd like to remind you that you are loved and valued and seen as a human being. Seeking out help does not make you weak, it is actually one of the bravest things you can do. 

Love,  
Mila


	15. Chapter Fourteen

It didn’t take long for suspicions to arise. I mean who wouldn't notice if two coworkers who did nothing but pester and fight one with one another become somewhat amicable overnight? It didn’t help that those suspicious were profilers, and they all knew that the two were ‘secretly’ in love with one another. So when Spencer and I boarded the jet to return to DC, I was not surprised to feel all eyes on the two of us. No one commented when Spencer and I sat across from one another at a table, or when Spencer affectionately nudged my leg with his. 

“Alright Reid, I assume you brought notes?”

Morgan couldn’t hold himself back from commenting. “Damn, are you two getting divorced or are you burying the hatchet?” 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better Morgan, we are going over the terms of our mutual toleration.” Reid remarks, drawing a pad of paper and pen out of his messenger bag. 

“Anyways, are we going for a universal treaty or a bilateral treaty?” I question, scratching out the beginnings of an outline. “Close your mouth Morgan, you are going to catch flies.” I say loudly, not needing to look up at the shocked man. 

“I say bilateral, universal has too many working parts and we do not have the time.” Spencer smirks. 

It did not take much longer to lose the attention of the rest of the plane. The only person who could possibly be paying attention would be the ex-prosecutor-turned-boss-man Hotch, who could aptly navigate the legal spout that was leaking from our corner of the cabin. It wasn’t until we reached the terms of implementation that the general attention of the team returned to us.

“Alright, going on to voluntary one-on-one excursions. I will not join you on any sort of recreational activities, no hospital visits, no parole hearings, no jail visits-” 

My head snaps up at him, and I shoot daggers at Reid's eyes. Reid realises his mistake, and all the blood drains from his face.

“What the hell are you implying” I growl, digging my nails into my palms.

“That’s- oddly specific pretty boy. What’s that about?” Morgan remarks. JJ, ever the mother smacks him on the arm and hushes him

My gaze hasn’t left Reid’s. 

“I didn’t mean it like that..” he stammers, trying to smooth over the situation.

“God I can’t believe you Reid. I’m here trying to figure out how to stop this constant fighting and bickering, I’m as sick of it as the rest of the team, and you have The fucking nerve to bring that up?” I snatch the papers on the table and swing my legs out from under it, standing up.

“Wait, what about the agreement?” Spencer attempts.

“You want your agreement? I won’t be going on any visits with you to see your mommy and daddy- oh wait, I don’t need to worry about that do I? Because daddy left and you are too ashamed to go see your mother.” The doctor flushes with anger, clenching his jaw so strongly a vein pops out of his forehead. 

“Just forget it Spencer. All of this case, this was a mistake.” I say, tears threatening to break over. 

This time Reid doesn’t stop me when I go to a vacant corner of the jet. 

~~~ 

Leaving the jet shouldn’t have been so similar to leaving that elevator, the elevator I stumbled out of not even 24 hours ago, but it was. The biggest difference between my exit from both of these claustrophobic nightmares is my newfound desperation to get away from Spencer, completely contradicting my urge from the previous evening to get as close to him as I could possibly be. 

The rest of the team was obviously not as incentivised to head straight home when we get back to the BAU. Hotch and Gideon stay business-as-usual, retreating into their offices to begin paperwork for Lila’s case, which seemed to be more than usual.

_ Hotch is a damn robot, i’m sure of it.  _

Elle, Derek and JJ slink off toward Garcia’s lair. This doesn’t surprise me, they were the most invested in the ‘relationship’ that had brewed, and seemingly fizzled overnight. I decide not to bother with it.  _ They would’ve found out about mom and dad eventually. _

Yet what was the strangest is the absence of Reid. He followed after Gideon, getting his work done before leaving to go do god knows what with his spare time. Typically at this point he would be at his desk, whizzing away at the stack of paperwork he is assigned at a lightning pace. It was quite impressive, seeing someone work like that. That fast, that scrambled. I can only imagine why he felt the need to go so fast. Maybe he is trying to seal the horrors we see every day away, so he doesn’t have to think of it. 

My mind whirs when I exit the elevator into the parking lot. The smell of hot rubber and gasoline is ever present, as it consumes my head, jolting me from my trance. It couldn’t have come at a better time. 

“I can hear you, Reid. If you were trying to sneak up behind me either you wanted me to hurt you or you are stupider than you seem to be.” I call at the man hiding in the shadows. I don’t bother to turn around. 

“If that’s what it would take to get you to acknowledge me then sure” he responds, forcing a laugh. 

“What do you possibly want from me Reid?” I finally turn to meet Reids eyes, which are still hopeful, if not a little strained. 

“Y/N, you can stop acting mad, no one else is here.” Reid is anxious, struggling to read my body language. 

“Why would I pretend to be mad at you? No, I’m legitimately pissed right now. Did you seriously forget that now everyone knows about my parents? I told you that in confidence! You didn’t see me go and spill the beans on your mother.” 

“Are you serious Y/N? It was an accident! Also, even if you didn’t say anything about my mom you did make me look like a total jerk..” 

“That’s because you  are a total jerk! You are a jerk who is incapable of owning up to his mistakes, because he is so arrogant he doesn’t think he is making any mistakes!”

Spencer is practically steaming. A vein on his forehead is pulsating, the very same one I saw last night through the haze of lust that overtook the two of us. It may as well been a different world, with different people with a different connection under a different context. 

“You know what Y/N? This was all a mistake. We were delirious, and stressed from being trapped together, and you were all pissy because of Lil-” 

I didn’t even realise I’d slapped Spencer until the nerves in my hand reacted to the impact with Reid’s face; and even after that looking at Reid’s shocked expression, his hand covering the flesh I had hit. We both went quiet, absorbing the situation. My fight or flight instincts kicked in, my panicked brain choosing the latter. But Spencer was faster than me, and caught up to my walking away instantly. Next thing I knew I was being held against a concrete pillar in the still-vacant garage by Reid’s firm yet tender grip.

“You are the worst of people, Y/N.” He murmurs before meeting my awaiting mouth. The ferocity of the kiss is like nothing that occurred between us before, Not that I am complaining. There was a hunger between us, a spark that is desperate to turn into a full flame. The only thing I can think as I pull him closer to me, wrapping one leg behind him, supported by one of Doc’s hands cupping my ass was how right this felt. 

I steal the kiss for just a minute more, before breaking from him and finally getting into my car. 

“See ya tomorrow, Doc.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi
> 
> I'm back with more of the story! I know it's been a minute, i've been settling myself back into school which has been nothing less than a handful, but nevertheless here is a new chapter!! I'd like to wish you all a happy beginning of spooky season, which is the best time of year in my humble opinion. I'm munching on candy corn as a write this. I hope to get another chapter out before the end of the month, but I can't make you any promises. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with the story, and just being so kind.   
> I love you and appreciate you all.
> 
> Mila


	16. Chapter 16

I've never been good at relationships, never really had them. When I was little, back in Jersey, my only friends were the people my parents employed at the casino (they were also the people I'd spend the most time with). I was always so so so young, no one knew what to do with me. It got better in college, I was able to befriend some fellow scholars closer to my age. Though they were still older, they looked past my prepubescent appearance and intimidating intellect. Then of course romantically there wasn't much. I had the dance teacher, who turned out to be almost twice my age and gay, so that did not work out.

Besides that, my years have been occupied by nothing but casual flings and one night stands. When Reid came along I thought maybe I could try. Try to not isolate myself, try not to shut down the moment I feel like something good could happen to me.

\--

I collapse onto my couch with a thud. There is no grace in my fall, it is just dead weight crashing down. I don't stay down for long before there is a knock at the door. The pattern of the knock is different from Spencers. There is more rhythm in it, like it is welcoming you to open the door for it. This varied greatly from Reid's functional yet calculated knock. Peering through the peephole I am greeted by a Garcia.

"Hey Chickadee.." she starts hesitantly, trying to gauge my reaction to her presence.

"Hey Penelope, come in, come in" I step aside letting this iris-like rainbow of sunshine and bright colours into my otherwise monochromatic and dull living area.

"I thought you could use some company, or even just a person to vent to." Garcia continues, pulling a bottle of rosé from her tote bag. "And no Y/N, I'm not here to get the scoop on what the hell is happening with you and the wunderkind, though I am interested."

"Well, there honestly isn't much to tell," I say, leaning over the kitchen counter to push two wine glasses towards Penelope. "I got angry at Reid because he is an asshole and emotions get the best of me sometimes. I tried taking the high road and it ended in him leaking something I try to not bring up with anyone."

Penelope reaches across the counter, placing her hand over mine. I hadn't noticed its trembling until she did so. "What is up with that? I knew about it from your file, but I didn't think I should say anything." She coos softly.

"It's just.. I don't even know the full story myself. So much of my childhood was a rouse I can't tell the reality from the lie. I try not to bring it up. It isn't like I am ashamed of it or anything, I just don't want to be seen differently because of them, or that I got to where I am by playing the annoying 'My parents are in jail because they're terrible people who deserve to be there, feel bad for me' card. Going off to school, leaving New Jersey, was the best thing to ever happen to me." I glance over at Penelope, who obviously has a million questions and nod my allowance.

"Do you know where they are now? Do you talk to them? Why did Spencer know about it? When did he find out? Did you tell him? Are you two in love? If you say you aren't, why are you lying?" Penelope asks mischievously

I can't help but smirk. "Are you done?"

She nods her response. 

"Well, for starters, I am not in love with Spencer, nor am I lying about being in love with him-"

"Y/N, that is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard!" Penelope slams her hand on the table in frustration. "You were so mopey for forever, you have said it yourself, you did like-like him!"

"I do genuinely hate him!" I retort. "I was just going through a rough patch, and I latched on to the person I had the strongest emotions, in this case hate, for. It's actually scientifically proven that there is a thin line between love and hate. The emotions of hate and love activate both putamen and the insular cortex."

"English please?"

"The putamen prepares the body for movement so it's possible this be active either to provide protection of the loved one, or to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from the hated one. The insula is associated with feelings of distress, such as jealousy.

"When I saw Spencer and that Archer girl, the 'hate circuit' activated the insula, making me jealous. I mistook it, as did everyone else. That is on me. There is nothing else to tell Penelope."

Penelope huffs her frustration, pouting her bottom lip. "Fine, Miss Y/L/N. If you say so. I still think you and pretty boy are meant for one another. Okay, answer the rest of the questions."

Chugging the rest of my glass, and then another, I answer the questions in a haze, not really knowing what I'd answered.

\--

At some point I regained consciousness. Not only was I lying on the hardwood floor of my living room, next to an empty bottle of rosé, but the elusive Penelope had vanished.

"This is why we don't hang out, Penelope." I groan to myself, clutching my throbbing head. I roll myself up to check my answering machine.

\--

**Three incoming messages-**

**One message from - Penelope;**

Hello sleeping beauty! You passed out on the floor after your fifth glass of wine, my bad. I put some ibuprofen and water by your cell phone- which is charging by the way-. Today is a paperwork day, which is just so boring if you ask me, but it does mean my babies aren't out in harms way. Make sure you get here, I'll stall for you, but- you get it."

**One message from - Elle;**

Hey Y/N. Sorry I'm whispering, but you know how perceptive these people are, like jeez. Anyways, what did you do to Reid? He is sitting at his desk looking like he has seen a ghost. He's been staring at the same form for at least 20 minutes.- Whats that?- Sorry, JJ just bet me 10 bucks that I can finish my work before him, gotta go!

*Click*

**One message from - Unknown caller;**

"An inmate from the United States Penitentiary- Lee is attempting to contact you. To accept the ca-"

I turn off the recorded message just then, having hobbled out of my bedroom half-dressed. I don't need to hear any more of what I already know, or don't want to know.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy I'm back! I'm sorry for the wait, Its been literally ages since I've updated but here is a new part! If it seems rushed, thats my bad, I'm trying to get out of this writers block and shit. Thank you all so so so much for your support, it means the literal world to me. <3 I hope to get more content published somewhat soon, I should have slightly more free time in November, and I'm debating participating in NaNoWriMo, if I do then you will be getting so much content you'll be sick of it. 
> 
> xxxx Mila


	17. Chapter 16

I get to the office barely thirty minutes later, coffee in my hand and regret on my face. Everyone else is in the bullpen, mostly working. Garcia looks up from Morgan’s desk and rushes over to me.

“Good morning y/n! How are you feeling?” She grips my forearms as if I am going to topple over.

“I'm alright, honestly. Can I talk to you for a second though?” I lead her to her office and close the door behind us.

“I know what you are thinking. No we did not sleep together last night; you know I only have eyes for my bronzed Adonis.” She tries to lighten the mood, sitting down in her swivel chair and spinning around a few times, but it just makes me dizzy. I brush off her joke. 

“Penelope, I feel like such an idiot,” I confess, looking at her with desperation in my eyes. “What happened last night?”

“Buttercup, do you not remember?” Her face dropped. “You were super mopey and all grumpy-care-bear, so of course I had to come over and be your personal cheerful bear.” 

I snicker at her analogy. “Seriously, what did I say? Anything that I might regret?”

“Define serious… I’m kidding im kidding! You basically just talked about Spencer the whole time, but still denied any of my non-intrusive questions. God, even drunk you are still closed off. But there is one thing I think we have all been wondering about- I did not want to intrude but what happened with your mom and…”

I cut her off instantly. “Good, so I didn't say anything too regretful. Thanks, I should probably get to my desk, thanks for taking care of me.” I spit out, leaving Garcia no room for interruption.

The bullpen felt stuffier than it had when I left it minutes ago. Any eye contact was abandoned before it could really begin, Which i understand. I mean if I was in their position, seeing a coworker after they had a small episode in front of all of them, an episode that revealed as private of information as mine did, I would also be uncomfortable. 

I felt it worst from Reid. He was so closed off he practically was about to fold in on himself. His work felt angry, being completed in short bursts of rapid progress, followed by periods of no movement at all, like he was too angry to even breathe. On top of that, i would inadvertently look up every time I heard a shift in him, catching a glimpse of dark stormy eyes and a furrowed brow. 

Come lunch time, some of the tension lifted, and I was able to make small talk with the rest of the group, who seemed to come back around to me when Reid sneaked off somewhere. 

“Fuck” I murmured, digging through my purse for the sudoku book i’ve been working on this week. “I’ll be right back,” I called out to the others. “I left something in my car.”

“Want me to come with?” Elle asked. Fearing an ulterior motive from her, I shook off her offer. 

“I’m a big girl, I can make it by myself.” 

A sigh of relief I’d been holding in expelled from my lungs when the glass doors to the BAU whooshed behind me. Finally, some peace. It was like I had forgotten what it was like to not be on edge, despite me only being at work for a handful of hours.

Might as well make this last as long as possible, I thought to myself, opting to take the stairs instead of the elevator. 

I probably wouldn’t have noticed him if the door hadn't swung open so far. The groan of pain was enough to alert me of the very pissed Spencer, curled into the corner of the stairwell.

“Shit! I didn’t see you there Reid,” i stammered, flushing red at my error. He looks more annoyed than in pain, and swats my hand away when I offer it to help him stand. 

“I don’t need your help y/n” he says coldly. “All I want is some peace and quiet to escape you, and guess who shows up?”   
“I said I was sorry”   
“That was rhetorical.” He snaps. 

“Can we please just talk like adults?” Reid snorts and rolls his eyes after I say this. Without saying a word, he pivots around and stomps out of the stairwell, his footsteps echoing in the metallic room. 

I scoff and mimic his stomping motion all the way down the stairs, taking in breaths of the hot, gasoline and rubber air, that left a metallic taste in my mouth.

Reid’s attitude towards me ceased to change for the rest of the day. Despite my attempts to initiate a conversation, Spencer made it very clear he was not interested, even though I’d see him glance at me from the corner of my eye. By the end of the work day, I was exhausted from being in his proximity and from my hangover so I was not protesting the clock. 

I knew the footsteps behind me were planning on joining me in the elevator, but upon looking up to see why they’d halted I saw Reid standing there, frozen in time. Instead of his closed-off scowl he wore the whole day, the man looked sad. He looked like he had something to say, but even his magnificent mind couldn’t put it in words. The elevator doors closed between us, isolating me yet again. 

I have no right to be upset at Spencer. I think, the soft whoosh of the elevator’s descent sounds like a roaring in my head. I mean, I could be upset at him for slipping the parent stuff out, but that did seem like an honest mistake. The meaner, more cynical voice in my head disagreed. Instead of contemplating on it more, I huff my way home.

\----

The landline begins to ring right as I lock my front door behind me. My bag hits the floor I cross to answer the line.  
“This is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N” I answer.

“An inmate from the United States Penitentiary- Lee is attempting to contact you. To accept the call, press one” 

“Fucking again?!” I slam the phone down, rage boiling in me instantly. I knew it was one of my parents, I couldn't bother to know which one. They both were terrible people, & worse parents. Despite that, they still manage to seep into every crevice of my life. 

Not anymore. I think as I walk right back out the door and drive off. 

I have work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Long time no see!
> 
> Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for your patience and unwavering support. I know I am quite unreliable when it comes to my releasing of work, and that has to be quite frustrating for you. if you stuck around this long, I appreciate it immensely. (I hope the wait is worth it)
> 
> Anyways, skipping over the fact it has been ~Over two months~ I have made it a goal to get another chapter out for you all before the end of this godawful year, as a special holiday treat for you. I also have some plans for some new works coming soon-ish, seeing as it is me the wait may take a bit. 
> 
> Last thing- I want to become a more reliable storyteller, and I've been thinking, maybe it may be beneficial to help y'all get to know me a little better! So, if you have any questions for me please comment them here! I will either release it as its own chapter on here, or I will make it its own work. If any of that sounds good to you, let me know!
> 
> One last book related thing
> 
> I know it can be frustrating to see how hot and cold Y/N can be. I think that creating characters like her frankly make for better reading. We are flawed creatures, and Y/N is no exception. I hope to go a little deeper into Y/N's relationships with her parents; I've been doing a bit of research on the effects parenting have on children, and Y/N unintentionally has a lot of the characteristics (I did not plan it). There is still so much story left to tell, stay with me.
> 
> TL;DR, I know Y/N can be indecisive and frustrating, but its all going to make sense eventually.
> 
> I love you all, and I appreciate you so so so so much. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello reader! I am so happy you decided to read my work!  
> This is my first CM book I have done on my own, I also edit works.
> 
> A few questions you may have:  
> 1) This all takes place in Season One  
> 2) I can not guarantee consistent posting, I write quite sporadically and this is unfortunately quite low on my list of priorities.  
> 3) Yes, I do have a basic plot set out, but feel free to drop suggestions in the comments below!


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